Doctors today report that after the special rectal brain scan of the President today that they found no evidence of grey matter in the President's colon. Doctors were surprised as the President has had his head up his ass for over twenty years. Subsequent review of previous colo-rectal examinations revealed that the tiny amount of Presidential Grey Matter that had been there was removed eight years ago mistakenly believed to be polyps. Luckily the President has been able to live semi-normally as Karl Rove has essentially served as Bush's brain for years. Doctors believe that the President will be able to continue his normal duties as they really consist of nodding to vicePresident Cheney.